Posted by
RANT BRAZEN on Monday, July 27, 2009 11:55:17 PM
Look, I have no interest in having the Professor Louis “Pearly” Gates issue blow over. I know it’s petty and trivial, but that’s what I like about it. I mean, it’s like . . . well, it’s like I want this silly crap to distract Obummer’s ability to stuff a flaky budget-busting gummint health care plan down the throats of protesting Americans!
And if we didn’t have this trumped up idiocy to irritate and bumfuzzle him, I’d be the first to try to get him distracted by something else. Anything else.
There’s another thing. When someone says, “Hey, let’s move on,” it doesn’t show he’s being magnanimous (whatever that means), it really is hard proof that he knows his argument is shot full of holes and he’s embarrassed at what he started but can’t finish. Okay? Well, that’s what Pearly said, in so many words.
Then, our President-in-Chief, who tried to laugh the whole shemozzle off, turned on his best smile (only because his trusty teleprompter said “Smile Now”) and just pretended he’d be buddies with the combatants, or litigants, or whatever they may eventually turn out to be.
And then, for gosh sakes, the leader of the Free World said he thought he could broker a cease-fire if Sgt. Crowley and Pearly would come over to the White House for a beer. Is that rich? I mean, the Obummers are set to go off on a vacation fit for royalty at Blue Heron Farm on Martha’s Vineyard. You can reserve the 28.5-acre retreat for only $35,000 to $50,000 per week.
A news story said the First Family definitely plans to rent the property. Actually, the Obamas plan for us to rent the property, and, speaking for all Americans, I can truthfully say that they deserve the best – our failing, debt-ridden, jobless economy notwithstanding. But listen, these dudes live high. Michele, a fashion maven, has a reported twenty staff assistants who cater to her every whim. One of the lowest paid indentured servants is named Sally M. Armbuster, and she gets $36,000 salary. I think she’s underpaid. Rahm Emanuel has the same job, and he pulls down $172,200, at least according to Mrs. Emanuel. Really? Is he married? I’ll have to get back to you on that. I didn’t check it out.
But where was I? Oh yeah, Baroque had invited Sgt. Crowley and Pearly Gates to the White House for a beer. What? Given the president’s taste for the opulent, as long as somebody else is picking up the check, he should dig a little deeper, and maybe even break for a case of Dom Perignon each for Pearly and the Sarge. I mean get real! You can steal a bottle of this bubbly – vintage 1971 – for a modest $1,153 US if you play your cards right – maybe even less on Shopzilla. And I can’t guess what a deal you could get if you have friends on the black market. (Take it easy, I don’t mean to offend, okay?)
Anyway, let’s say they get together – President Obummer, Professor Pearly Gates, and Sergeant Crowley. What then? Can’t you just see it? The three of them sitting on the grass in the Rose Garden, and Barry axes, “Can’t we all just get along?” Crowley says, “I’ll call it even if Pearly will just pass the church key.” Gates, a black man (look, I just threw that in because it might offend Al Sharpton) retorts, “I will, law dawg, if you’ll get me out of these &%#@?! handcuffs! And don’t ever jive me about a key again. I hate keys to heck.”
Crowley (a white cop, once accused of being a racist) apparently forgot it was 2009. Twist-off tops on beer bottles had rendered the beloved church key obsolete. The president -- always the conciliator, delegator and cogitater -- calls Hillary on his Raspberry and tells her to be in the Rose Garden in ten minutes to mediate a squabble “And bring some 8-8-8 fertilizer for Michele’s vegetable garden,” the leader of the Free World snapped.
I don’t know if Hillary obeyed this order. She’s got a lot on her mind too. She vows she won’t run for president, so that means she probably will. And her personal life is rumored to be coming under scrutiny. Hillary, who’s pretty sharp, dispelled the rumors when she is said to have said, “I did not have sex with that man, Mr. Clinton.” She also seems suspicious of Sally Armbuster. Can’t blame her for that. Hillary went through a lot of pain with that arm.
I’m tired of this story and have to bring it to a close. And I know you must feel the same way. Bottom line is, I hope that the dust-up between Sergeant Crowley and Professor Henry Louis “Pearly”Gates goes into extra innings. It’s the only way I know of to keep Baroque busy so America’s health care can stay healthy.
RANT BRAZEN UPDATE (FILM @ 11) ** From Politico via The Daily Beast
The much-anticipated meeting between Henry Louis Gates Jr. and the officer who arrested him are set for 6 p.m. on Thursday at the White House, a senior administration official said. Sgt. James Crowley will drink Blue Moon, the president will drink Budweiser, and Professor Gates will drink Red Stripe or Beck's. At a press conference Monday, White House Press Secretary Gibbs fielded questions on the beer choices. "What's wrong with Budweiser?" he asked when a reporter questioned the president's beer choice. And, to the question "Pretzel or chips?" Gibbs responded: "We're just going to go straight beer. No sense in diluting it."